The “Me” Disease

Austen Powell

I suffer from the disorder narcissism, or being self-absorbed. It has haunted me all my life. It has ruined my relationships with others, made me narrow-minded, and transformed me into a social zombie. However, there’s a silver lining in every circumstance, and I have discovered how to overcome this disease.

Narcissism is like an infection; it starts out as nothing, but soon spreads until it consumes your very being. I got the infection when I was 13. I only focused on my own needs and didn’t care about others.

At church my mom, who was a social butterfly, introduced me to everyone. I hated it. I didn’t want to meet new people unless I could get something out of it, and I thought they felt the same way too.

This trait soon began to destroy my relationships with others, and even God. The only connections with people I could hold onto were superficial. These “friendships,” or perhaps more aptly “fiend-ships,” were never truly filling, and always left me feeling empty inside.

As a result of those superficial relationships, I lost sight of who I was. It was like looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger.

I finally recognized a need for change in my life one day when I was in the car with my mom. She noticed two boys beating up a smaller boy, so she stopped and yelled at them. She startled them and they and ran away. When she asked me if we should help him up and take him home, I said, “no.” I didn’t care about him. It was all about me.

I needed a cure to this disease! The cure began on my high school senior class trip to Washington D.C. My class met the senate chaplain Barry Black. He told us his testimony, and how he became the senate chaplain. Then he started talking about this strange book, which was on top of Harvard University’s book reading list. This book was called, How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

That night I bought the book at Target. It changed my life. I realized that to truly be happy and make friends, one must first genuinely care about the other person’s needs. However, this book wasn’t the solution to all problems. Learning how to make and keep friends was not enough to cure my narcissism.

This summer, I discovered the true antidote while reading Steps To Christ. Carnegie’s book showed me how to make friends the right way, but that didn’t keep me from being self-absorbed. It was a constant struggle; I would frequently find myself rereading chapters just so I could keep my friends.

All this changed after reading Steps To Christ. I discovered it’s not enough to merely manipulate someone’s feelings with body language. It’s not enough to have the appearance of genuine care, but you must honestly love them. I found that the antidote, the only way to wipe away narcissism, is to love others. Love for others is the cure for being self-centered.

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